In Order

Jesse_James · **Jesse_James**

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Always Flying. Always Fighting. RIP JIMMY.

Jesse_James · **Jesse_James**

leaving for philly in about an hour will be back either Sunday night or monday morning
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Always Flying. Always Fighting. RIP JIMMY.

NeuralDream · **NeuralDream**

I will read it tonight. I invite all others to do the same as soon as possible.
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My new blog, specialised in the military equipment of Greece (1821-today).

Aquarius · **Aquarius**

I love proofreading!

Confused

Will post some comments later tonight, hopefully.
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I have to make a new sig because my old one is too wide for this new look...

NeuralDream · **NeuralDream**

I've read the first half or so.
Up to now, I've found the following:

page 2 "hitting the target throught the bow ..." - I don't know what's correct, but it doesn't sound ok. Shouldn't it be "from the bow" or "using the bow attack" or something like that?

page 3 there is a dash after the defensive armament, but not after the torpedoes

page 3 replace "1 die" with "one die"

page 3 "list of of companies"

page 4
"place three objectives on the center row"

page 5 Aren't 150 points a bit too many considering that the unit you have at the first page has cost 8.7? IIRC the test games in the online matches forum were for about $40M per player.

I haven't read the rest yet. Up to now, it all looks good. Very unique design.
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My new blog, specialised in the military equipment of Greece (1821-today).

The_lucky_Y · **The_lucky_Y**

The ships cost money not points so the game shall have limits in money and the objectives als gives money , just m2cents.
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YVAN EHT NIOJ !

Jesse_James · **Jesse_James**

Jesse_James · **Jesse_James**

page 2 "hitting the target throught the bow ..." - I don't know what's correct, but it doesn't sound ok. Shouldn't it be "from the bow" or "using the bow attack" or something like that?

Not sure where you pointing to on page 2?

page 3 there is a dash after the defensive armament, but not after the torpedoes

Good eye.

page 3 replace "1 die" with "one die"

Got it.

page 3 "list of of companies"

Got it.

page 4
"place three objectives on the center row"

page 5 Aren't 150 points a bit too many considering that the unit you have at the first page has cost 8.7? IIRC the test games in the online matches forum were for about $40M per player.

See other post
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Always Flying. Always Fighting. RIP JIMMY.

swarbs · **swarbs**

First off, Sweet Cover. I've tried to bold in my suggestions where some stuff could be fixed.

Page 2.

ND's comment was under torpedoes. It says "If you are hitting the target through the bow or stern." It works, but like ND says, maybe a bit clunky. Perhaps "If you are firing a torpedo directly at a target's bow or stern ..." Is that better?

Under Defensive Armament: end of first sentence should be "both players check for defensive armament rolls."

same para., last sentence, should be: "the chosen unit cannot make a torpedo attack this turn, and in addition the chosen ship takes one point of hull damage.

Also, perhaps 'target ship' sounds better than 'chosen ship'?

Also for page two. Should torpedo attacks and gunnery attacks be explained in the same place, perhaps just put the symbol and label it torpedoes (like you've done with the gun values) and save the explanation for where you do the gunnery attack explanation. Maybe the same for def. arm.? Should we go into this depth here, or just put names to the different symbols?

Page Three.

Under Scales, perhaps add 'wide' to the end of the first sentence? "Each sector is 3,200 yards wide."

Under Set Up, after telling people to place objectives you say "10-20 is suggested depending on the size of your game." I suppose this is the point value for objectives, but this needs to be more explicit, and I think you should just leave it out of this section. Objective value makes more sense if it's with the scoring or winning the game section.

Page Four.

ND already asked you to change a number 1 to a number one on another page, if you're doing that, there are plenty of places to change numbers here (number of die and results of rolls). Even if you change these numbers to written numbers, I wouldn't change the larger numbers in the text, too much trouble.

Still under Set up, but on page four. You tell players to place their ships at the edge of the map. Which edge? (perhaps move your later graphic here to make it clear). Also, what order to people set up in, is there a roll to determine who sets up first?

Sentence about submarines: Must they be placed one sector row behind the objective row, or can they be placed in any sector row up to one row behind the objectives?

Also, you put initiative here, I think it makes more sense perhaps in an area outlining a typical turn since it's a thing you do every turn, not just once at set-up.

Likewise, under scouting, I suggest you talk about scouting first, and move the stuff about scouting's effects on initiative to a later section on initiative. This would be the middle two paragraphs in this section.

Page Five.

You should make it clear that this diagram is for introducing ships that have returned for scouting because of a roll of two, three or four.

Page Six.

Could this set-up example be in the set-up section? Also, isn't the sub set-up zone on the wrong side of the map?

Perhaps before you start the initiative segment you could put a section introducing the turn order. Something like "Each turn consists of the following phases blah blah and blah" would be a start just to let players know that the steps that follow will be repeated each turn. Then label the following sections by phase. Initiative Phase, Movement Phase, Surface Attack Phase etc.

This initiative section would be a bitchin' place to put that initiative stuff from the scouting and set-up sections.

Under Movement. The conversational tone you strike here isn't really reflected in the rest of the rule-book. I guess stylistically, you'll have to decide one way or the other. Do you want a rule book that is boring but gets the facts out quick, or do you want a rule-book that says stuff like "Moving a ship is easy..."

The second sentence there, you mean 'one angle' instead of 'one angel' I think, but perhaps 'one hex-side' is more appropriate than either.

I'd suggest changing the last two sentences of the para into something like. "Additional changes of facing may be made at the cost of your unit's speed. Subtract one from your unit's speed to change direction any number of hex-sides." If you don't like 'hex-side', then watch your angels.

For the Full Speed Ahead section, how about "Ships with the special ability Full Speed Ahead may gain one speed each turn if they do not change their facing during that turn."

Also, for movement, were we doing first player moves all ship, second moves all ships? I though we discussed staggered movement at one point, big ships move, medium ships move, little ships move... Perhaps I'm incorrect.

Page Seven
That first sentence isn't needed, I don't think anyone assumes that movement is compulsory and you've already told them they could exchange a movement point for a change in facing.

I'd take the "Note that" off of the beginning of the next sentence and just throw it up into the previous paragraph where you talk about facing.

Under Stacking. I'd just get rid of that first sentence and make the second sentence "Each sector may contain no more than four ships, or twelve hull points of ships owned by a single player."

Under Funnel Smoke:

In that first sentence "sectors" should be "sector's" and you need an 'is' in there. " a large amount of funnel smoke is created" and then I'd just finish that sentence by saying "and may hamper units firing through that sector."

Later in that para you use 'his' to describe a ship, go with 'its.'

Also, probably no need for the parenthetical 'not cumulative' note.

Page Eight

Under Firing, you need to put in the whole part about how counting successes, comparing to target's armor/vital etc. You can do an 'effects of damage' section later, or you can include it here if you wish. Do the stuff about first player resolves attacks, then second player, but effects are simultaneous.

Also, I think large batteries get -1 per die at Extended Range, so that needs to be in there.

Torpedoes here should deal just with surface torps, perhaps we don't need to have submarines or aircraft mentioned yet? I'm not sure if they'll be included in the Beta test or not, so it might just confuse stuff if they're in here. It is certainly confusing that you mention the aircraft attack phase without mentioning aircraft previously. The torpedo results table you have here actually conflicts with an earlier section about torpedoes. Also, is this table for after you score a '6' on you initial torp roll? That needs to be made clear.

Your field of fire examples are awesome, perhaps put in a sentence that says the player is the blue ship, and the target is red?

Also, if it is easier for you, why not post this stuff here in just regular text, then you can insert it in the final format after we've edited it to exhaustion.
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